So. It’s been a while. I’ve been staring at this blank page for hours, typing a sentence, then deleting and browsing various social media for 20 minutes before trying again. But I still don’t really know how to get back into this. I have a lot of feelings, as always, so I’m not really sure where to start.
Let’s start with time. Time is super weird. I say that so often it’s what I suppose could be referred to as my motto. And for a time, and even now to certain extent, they were the words I lived my life by. The older I get the weirder time gets, and the more ignorant of its passing I am the more at peace I feel. Which is probably ridiculous. After a period of time moving very rapidly, it’s odd to now be at a point where time feels rather stagnant. I see it flowing all around me for most other people in my life, which in a way highlights the lack of time in my life at the moment. I’m still not sure how to feel about all of that, but I think I’m starting to realise I’ll ever know how I feel about time, and that’s okay. Time will keep doing it’s weird thing and not giving a shit what I feel or think about its movements. And that’s oddly comforting.
Let’s talk about thinking too. I overthink a lot. I over examine everything to the minutest detail, till I drive myself half insane. but over the past couple months, I’ve started to notice I’m not thinking things through at all half the time. My brain feels so empty both of worry and whatever the opposite of worry is, and I don’t know how to feel about that. Seems the only thing I’m overthinking at the moment is my lack thereof.
Let’s also talk about journeys. I’ve been reading a lot of Hans Christian Anderson fairy tales recently, and I’ve noticed a common theme of a journey. Character’s – such as Gerda in the Snow Queen – go on long journeys to find something that has been lost to them. The people they meet on the road try to stop them, but eventually they help, and the obstacles are overcome and the day is usually won. But not always, sometimes things go to hell in a handbasket and there is little you can do about it. I like that even in fairy tales that can be the case, it makes me feel better while things go a bit strange in my real life.
I don’t really know what this all means. I know it isn’t particularly cohesive, but I wanted to lay out some of my weird feelings, so we can start again from scratch. I’m staying home for a year, so hopefully I’ll have the time to keep this up more constant, but life is strange and who knows where it’ll take me. Take us.
See you soon,